Monday, 24 November 2014

A strange encounter inside a bank

Monday, November 24, 2014 By , , 4 comments

In an era of internet banking, one still has to visit a bank for various things, like, depositing the money, because that’s not gonna fly-by from your home and get inside the internet, all by itself. Another one is, updating your passbook. And, many might question its significance, to which I would say that if you stay at home, you got to do what is being asked. ‘No questions, just pure work’, this is the rule and kids are entitled to follow.

I have to follow every single rule, else no Wi-Fi, and no food for a specific time. Food I can work out, but Wi-Fi, absolutely not. In fact, Wi-Fi is in parity with water. So, how can I relinquish such a “precious” thing?! No chance of it.

Trust this fact!

Anyways, one day I had to visit a bank for some work. I have mostly visited a government bank because my parents have their account in there. But, this 1 day brought about a new experience for me. And, it was so weird and pathetic to be frank that I had to lose huge amount of money on it. Mind it, huge sum. No kidding.

So, I went inside the bank, filled the deposit slip like always. Meanwhile, 5-10 people already interrupted me and booked their ownership on the pen after I was done, like always. And, to all those requests, I silently nodded, in spite of having a different notion inside, LIKE ALWAYS. Life inside a bank never changes, trust me!

Now, you may call me selfish or egoist, but lose your pen in the same bank to different people for consecutive weeks and I guarantee that you will understand my “selfishness”.
Anyways, even if you don’t help people with a pen, but you just can’t stop to notice their confidence while they enter a bank and ask for the same. It seems like, they pre-plan everything. And maybe, they have this dream of establishing a pen shop somewhere down the line. I mean, look at that smiling innocent face that hasn’t seen or used a pen since birth, but has heard that it is found with anyone except them in a bank.

“Bhaiya, pen milega zara?” (kasam se wapas nhi karunga)

“Han ji, ye lijiye” (meri to pen ki dukaan he na…le jao!)

Huff..! Anyway, so, one guy that looked like a student got hold of my pen after I was done scribbling down the requisites. He gave a broad smile, nodded in appreciation and went on to complete his task. And, in response, I gave a fake smile which he didn’t care to notice because he got what he wanted!

Thereafter, I stood in the line, a few steps away from him, waiting for my turn in the counter. The time went on and he seemed to be writing a novel or something. That thing agitated me a little and I could only roll my eyes hoping for a miracle. Nothing happened though!

After a few more mins, when the hope was almost on its way for cremation, he did something that cost me a few bucks; 10 precisely. And that my friend is a huge sum of money for a student. Seriously!

He brought my pen close to his mouth and started chewing it. Who the hell chews a borrowed pen? That guy was first of his kind. Seriously!

“What did you do Mr. Sucker? That’s not a chewing gum and we aren’t couples either! So, keep the pen with you and pay me for it with money, right now”, I wanted to say, but guess what? Yeah, you are right, I couldn’t.

I simply closed my eyes, bent my head down a little and scratched my forehead; just like a person who is hopelessly annoyed does. And then I made up my mind to gift that pen to him, just like that.

By the way, I did feel bad for that guy too because I scratched my butt with that pen the other day. Innocent fella didn’t know how nature was playing with him. But, to my surprise, he seemed to be enjoying the taste of it. Strange world!

Destiny, you may call it!
Meanwhile, I reached to the 1st spot in the queue and it was my turn. The work got done in a minute and I immediately left the bank with a heavy heart, abandoning the guy in his misery who was still busy tasting we-know-what.

And, by the way that accounted for my 10th pen that got either robbed or misused because I chose to be a stationary shop guy inside a bank! Take lesson from this incident and never chew a borrowed pen, ever again! 

Thursday, 20 November 2014

A joke that went wrong!

Thursday, November 20, 2014 By , , 10 comments

I was talking to one of my friends today and got complimented for being humorous. Yeah, you guessed it right, the friend was a female. Reason being, boys do not compliment their friends (male) at all, or do it behind their back, but never on the face. The only thing that they do upfront is abuse and smirk after that! The ugly truth!

Can I, please?

Anyway, the compliment reminded me of an incident that was 3 years old. It is of the time when I was new to college life. And that was a phase when I got a lot of lessons on communication: When to start? With whom to start? And what to start with?

So, it was a normal day which was about to take a U-turn. I logged into Facebook that day, just like a routine, in the evening. I kept scrolling for about an hour or so; judged people through their status updates and photos. And even posted a few of my own and kept waiting for the likes, as always!

Out of the blue, I recalled one of the important things from my daily life. Normally, the notification of such “important” stuffs popped up while I used to be in college. But, that day was something different and thus this strange anomaly happened.

So, to clear out that stuff, I checked on my chat list for any senior. Luckily, I found one. So, without wasting time, I went ahead, bang bang bang and the questions were sent. Now, only I had to wait for the answers! Simple job it seemed to me!

He started writing the answers and those kept getting delivered to me every time he pressed ENTER. The conversation seemed absolutely fine. In fact, it was so fine that my inner self got enormously excited (not in the wrong way) and then I did something which I regret now.

The messages that he typed were quite difficult to read, frankly. Reason being, he was using the sms language which ain’t very fond of or even used to! So, my inner Kapil Sharma got activated and I sneered at him for the same.

I said, “It seems like by the end of this conversation, I will have a degree in archeology.”
He asked, “How?”

And I jotted this line with a grin on my face, “because it is difficult to read your hand writing which truly resembles those from the ancient times.”

And tada, this is how I triggered the bomb; literally!

He got enraged and replied me furiously which was clear through his words. How? Those were in Hindi and contained something we call as “abusive” words profusely!

I was totally stunned because I never really expected such a reaction from anybody. It has been my favorite job to pull people’s leg but the table never got turned in this way at all!
I immediately threw in the towel and surrendered. The guy was muscular and he could have beaten the shit out of me. Adding to the fact, he was a senior too. So, double death was waiting ahead had I reacted in any way except apologetically!

Truly, madly and deeply!

So, I began with the universal line “I am sorry” and ended with “I won’t repeat it again”.
Now, guess what? He wasn’t convinced. Who would? The lines I used to apologize were too lame, old and short. Apology has to be written in long sentences (if a paragraph, then better) with sorry as an integral part which 1 must embed in as many places as they can, as only then, the feelings are transferred; digitally transferred (Bluetooth doesn’t work here)!

This thing went on for 30mins straight and I almost wanted to pee 60 times in that while! The moment we stopped the conversation with him forgiving me for the last time and me taking notes from this massacre; I went on to block him and made up my mind to skip the college for the next 3 days! Prevention is better than cure, I recalled.

Hufff…. Once done with the blocking, I gave a sigh of relief and went to pee. After coming back, I made it a point not to indulge into a super friendly conversation that involves even a pinch of mockery with anyone, especially strangers. Because, you never know, which statement the other person might find offensive. And, if you are not muscular, or a person with contacts to such people, then you just might end up in the nearest hospital or come across some “you-know-what” words which you might not like to hear!