Thursday, 1 August 2013
CHAPTER 4: PHYISCS
The Last Day was full of a struggle with one’s
own mind, body and what not? Just name it!
So, here I was sitting nervously at the exam
center watching at the Physics paper which seemed to be mocking over me, ‘Le,
aa gya me teri lene.’
15mins for reading the question paper and
making the plan-for-a-safe-rescue started ticking. I anxiously moved on to the
last page containing those 6 marks questions which I prepared quite nicely (at
least I had that assumption).
‘Hallelujah! I know this question’, I said to
myself with sheer disbelief! It was from Electronic Devices which I prepared
tremendously well. Hard work on that very chapter paid off, I thought.
Likewise, I moved on to the next question and
felt almost the same like the last one. ‘Thank you GOD’, I chanted within.
Delighted. But, also I was utterly shocked over the
choice of questions which the CBSE board people had put; I knew them all,
actually, till then, just 2. But, acha to lagta hi he.
Phew… Same way I skimmed over the entire paper,
filled up the requisite details and also planned my strategy on how I have to
tackle it, within 15mins. In fact, no strategy existed, bas bolne ki cheez he.
Finally, I initiated answering from the last
question having maximum marks weightage, in the best way possible and with the
best font-style available to me from a newly bought pen.
Indeed, it is used to be in childhood that
naya pen to lena hi he, NO matter whether we are acquainted with the answers or
not. Pen naya hona chahiye!
Apparently, I got carried away and went on
writing about 8 pages for that answer. Yes, 8 pages! Answer banta tha yaar!
As a matter of fact, it ALWAYS happens with
almost every student that the 1st answer takes the most time to
complete. I don’t know what sort of sorcery or what is the reason behind it,
but by default, 1st answer is the longest and the most time
consuming one.
Anyway, back to the scene, question number 30
was finished and I gave a sigh of relief. 6 marks instantly flashed in my mind. Truly, it was a blissful moment. Prayers were showing the effects.
Thereafter, I turned to question number 29 and
solved it with a champ-like-expression, but then only I realized that I made a
major mistake in it. It was a tricky question, similar to those given in the
extra-knowledge section of every other guide.
DAMN YOU HOTS (HIGHER ORDER THINKING SKILLS).
I moved on to the next question following my
little rule:
‘No matter what happens to your last answer,
keep moving. Exam is a battle. For God’s sake please survive.’
The tension could be easily seen on my face.
The happiness of the 30th question, successfully solved, vanished. Consequently, I started with the next
question, this time I knew the question but NOT the answer. Oh GOD why?
Following my rule, I attempted the next 6
questions, not-giving-a-fuck whether I did correctly or not.
I could have easily panicked because of 1
obvious reason i.e. THE PAPER WAS GETTING SCREWED, but I kept calm and went on
answering the next 12 questions putting every possible logic and brain and whatever
I had in that little tissue. The only motive was to finish it on time and of
course, attempt all the 30 questions. Plus, answering it to the level of
complacency of the examiner or at least copy down the same question if the
solution is totally unknown, was the priority.
Ultimately, I had 11 questions and 10mins. So
unfair. But, since I was so desperate with my aim, as
mentioned above, I went on writing whatever shit came in my mind. Whatever.
The writing speed was faster than Brett Lee’s
bowling pace.
Suddenly, ‘You have 5mins more’, said the
examiner who seemed to be more interested in leaving the room than the
students.
He had his reasons, I can understand. Who on
God’s great Earth would like to be in a silent room surviving boredom for 3 hours
straight that too with so many students-cum-warriors? No one!
I shifted the gear and jotted the answer sheet
with something which was difficult to read. I felt sorry for the copy checker.
Instead, he will be sorry for me, I thought.
‘Your time is over. STOP WRITING NOW’, the
examiner startled all of us with his voice along with the message; especially
me. His voice resembled to that of an angry Sunny Deol ji, so powerful that it
would make you shit in your pants, if you hear it abruptly. Fortunately, I
hadn’t had anything for 12 hours that day. May GOD bless my roommates’ washing
machine!
As a result, I stopped writing immediately;
actually, I was done a few secs before that hila-deni-wali voice came.
The last few mins of the exam are the smallest
mins in everyone’s life. Sach me.
Finally, the battle was over, it was finished
and perhaps, I was doomed!
‘How did it go?’, one or the other person inquired.
‘Just went’, I responded to each one of them
fighting the dilemma within over the same question.
Ultimately, I was on the vehicle heading back
home, hoping I don’t have to answer too many questions after reaching there.
I was looking forward to the upcoming hurricane
of Maths; Math-rina!
Face it on the next post.
Sunday, 14 July 2013
CHAPTER 3: THE LAST DAY
The
doomsday (Board exam) was near and we all were busy in our home trying very
hard to kill the time. Procrastination is a naturally installed habit in every
human being. Just in my case, it keeps upgrading its version with every passing
year.
Palash,
Prakhar and I finished up almost 5 chapters from every subject. Almost. Shocking,
isn’t it? We were in shock too. So, it was the remaining 10 chapters which were
to be finished somehow before the Judgment day.
I
opened the Physics book and at once skimmed through the index.
‘Mother
of Syllabus’, I said to myself envisaging over the sleepless nights which were about
to come.
10
goddamn chapters, that too ultra-huge and incredibly confusing were left to be
done to the level of complacency. Who the hell decides the syllabus, I thought.
But, like always, I procrastinated studying and slept eventually. As expected,
I didn't disappoint myself and anybody who has a massive trust over my laziness.
Can
you imagine, 3 days were left for the first paper to chunk us with 10 chapters
in hand and I was in deep slumber like I hadn’t had it since the Akbar’s death.
Yeah, that’s me! I don’t give bullshit about papers. Neend puri honi chahiye
bas.
Likewise,
the night-out –with-the-books day came. It is the same time when a large number
of houses can be seen with the lights on for most or all part of the night. Also,
numerous empty cups which had tea/coffee once. It was the day before the commencement
of the paper.
9
chapters in one day or super-specifically, 9 chapters in 23 hours and 56mins. Science
bitch.
Now,
it was time for the PC to shut down and the mobile phone to be switched-off. Why
CBSE board, why you NO give chota sa syllabus to study?
Seriously,
when I started studying, the wall of my room and the rotating fan seemed to be a
hell lot enticing than the book. But, I was entitled like every other student
of the same age as mine to swot to the best possible level and to consequently
save our asses. Race thi. I just wanted to finish-up decent.
I
started mugging-up the large answers with more marks weightage and likewise, in
decreasing order. By evening, I somehow finished up 3 chapters. Now, 6 chapters
in 12 hours were the target.
For
a minute I thought about the students who cheat in the exams and
never get caught. How lucky they are and brave at the same time. Definitely,
they have balls, as well as the chits in their undies or in various other
places. On the contrary, I think twice before asking for an extra supplementary
sheet. Itni sharam aati.
Anyway,
the night finally came and my back ached like never before. But, majboori; padhna to he hi. Now, the count was 6 hours and 4 chapters. Laholbilakubat.
I
washed my face and started studying like, now-or-never. 6 hours straight and
guess what? 2 chapters were still left. Those 2 were the big ones and I had NO
clue what to do with them. As a result, I made a small plan of just going through
the examples of those 2 chapters during the journey to the exam center.
I
quickly finished up the daily routine tasks of brushing up and all that. I
skipped the breakfast, as wasn’t feeling well cause of the lack of sleep. Sleep
is important.
‘Beta,
taiyaari ho gyi poori? Kuch bhoole to nhi?’, mumma asked with a lot of hope in
her eyes.
‘Han
mumma, bas padhna bhool gya hun’, I sarcastically quoted in my mind.
‘Han,
ho hi gyi he’, I replied. What
else one can say?
‘Good,
acha karna’.
‘Inshallah’.
I love Urdu although am not Muslim nor I know anything above a few Urdu words which
I keep using frequently. Shabd Prem.
Anyway,
I took their (parents) blessings and left with my friend to the exam-center. He
was driving and I was busy executing the little plan which I made that morning.
What shit will the paper bring with it? How
will I perform? And many such infinite questions kept distracting me.
I
was really nervous and numb contemplating about the paper. What if my friends
perform better than me?, I thought and at once became gloomy. Really, peer
pressure kills you if the pressure from parents is not enough for the job.
We
reached to the center-of-havoc, totally clueless. Eventually, I was on my
war-zone; place of writing the paper. Uncountable ‘all the best’ began
transmitting. Finally, I started bribing the Almighty for passing me in this
exam with good marks and thought for the best to happen.
So,
how did the paper go? Was it good enough or vice-versa? Find out in the next
post.
NOTE: Kindly go through BEAT THE BOARDS and WHAT THE FUDGE? as well. These two are the prequels. Entertainment guaranteed :D
NOTE: Kindly go through BEAT THE BOARDS and WHAT THE FUDGE? as well. These two are the prequels. Entertainment guaranteed :D
Sunday, 23 June 2013
CHAPTER 2: WHAT THE FUDGE?!!!!!!!
The plan for ‘saving our asses
from the Board exams’, which we called as ‘Beat the Boards’, was in progress!
‘Hey let’s just cut this crap
for some time and have a walk till the washroom’, Prakhar beckoned!
It is always in a friend circle
that even if one has to go pissing, everyone else instantly generates an urge to piddle!
So, we headed to the toilet bantering
all the way through! Finally, we were there but the
place seemed quiet new to us, contradicting the fact that we have been pissing
there for the last 6 years!
Hey guys, when did the
management get so many cabins for us?, Palash asked surprisingly!
‘We have no idea about it man’,
Prakhar and I replied in unison, equally astounded to see the clean walls with
no remarks for the teachers on it!
Well, it is a disgrace to the
boys’ toilet if you don’t find hybrid abuses incorrectly written for several
teachers, love confessions and remarkable drawings of human body parts, some
unmentionable ones!
‘Oh wait! On which floor are
we?’,I asked worriedly!
‘I guess, it’s the 2nd
floor’, Prakhar replied!
After an awkward silence, I
shouted,’ WHAT THE FUDGE! WE ARE IN A GIRL’S TOILET!!!!! GET THE ASS OUT OF
HERE!!!’, and we ran towards the exit!
As soon as we came out of the
toilet, a maid rushed towards us with a ‘what-the-f@%k’ expression and asked
with suspicion, ‘What you guys were doing in there?!!!’
‘N… No.. Nothing at all. We
forgot’! I instantly replied back being a hell lot nervous thinking about the
consequences!
‘WHAT!!! You guys forgot your
gender!!!!!’, she fired right away!
‘Aunty, we are sorry for the
trouble but we just forgot that we were on the 2nd floor and went
inside the girls’ toilet’, Prakhar told her!
‘Plus, there was no girl inside
the toilet’, I added, thinking this might save us from the ruthless
consequences!
‘Let’s go to the principal’,
she said and asked us to form a line and start moving towards the
‘room-of-death’!
We started moving slower than a
snail or perhaps Internet Explorer! We were petrified, terrified and every –ied
that would describe fear!
There are times in life when
you really don’t understand what to do next! And, it was one such moment, even
worse but I gave a last try to save us from the upcoming problems.
‘Aunty, do you know who we are’,
I asked her!
‘No’, she replied!
As soon as she replied, I
murmured,‘Guys, run’, and we ran like Osain Bolt.
Trust me, have it been the
Olympics, surely we would have achieved a Bronze medal at the least!
All of this shit happened
because of the architect of the school. A boys’ toilet which was on the right on
the 1st floor was on the left on the 2nd floor and vice-versa for
the Girls’ toilet! And since we were so busy pulling each other’s leg that we
didn’t notice we were on the 2nd floor and got in the wrong toilet!
‘Gosh, Ain’t pissing anymore in
this school’, Prakhar said breathing heavily!
‘Same here’!
‘It was a lucky escape man,
plus, we were fortunate that there wasn’t any girl inside otherwise we would
have been dead by now’, I said thoughtfully!
‘Han yaar’!
‘But, what if she makes a
search in every class’, Palash asked anxiously!
‘Don’t worry about it dude!
It’s the last lecture going on, so even if they make a search then it is
practically impossible for them to seek in every class! Plus, we would be
staying in the canteen until the dispersal bell rings! Moreover, the upcoming 2
days are off for us so the possibilities for any unfortunate thing to happen
reduces to almost zero! And, most importantly, the issue isn’t that big. We
were undoubtedly very lucky that there wasn’t any girl inside plus the maid
doesn’t know our names! And possibly, she might also forget our faces in the
days to come-by, so relax!’, I said with confidence and felt like Sherlock
Holmes for a few secs! Really!
‘You are one goddamn genius
dude’, Prakhar said and patted on my back!
After that we all laughed at
the entire happening over and over again discussing every possibility and passing
silly jokes in between until the break-bell rang!
Sitting in the bus we just
prayed for the things to turn right at the time to come as we, or I should say,
I can’t hold the waste-water for so long! :P
