Sunday, 14 July 2013
CHAPTER 3: THE LAST DAY
The
doomsday (Board exam) was near and we all were busy in our home trying very
hard to kill the time. Procrastination is a naturally installed habit in every
human being. Just in my case, it keeps upgrading its version with every passing
year.
Palash,
Prakhar and I finished up almost 5 chapters from every subject. Almost. Shocking,
isn’t it? We were in shock too. So, it was the remaining 10 chapters which were
to be finished somehow before the Judgment day.
I
opened the Physics book and at once skimmed through the index.
‘Mother
of Syllabus’, I said to myself envisaging over the sleepless nights which were about
to come.
10
goddamn chapters, that too ultra-huge and incredibly confusing were left to be
done to the level of complacency. Who the hell decides the syllabus, I thought.
But, like always, I procrastinated studying and slept eventually. As expected,
I didn't disappoint myself and anybody who has a massive trust over my laziness.
Can
you imagine, 3 days were left for the first paper to chunk us with 10 chapters
in hand and I was in deep slumber like I hadn’t had it since the Akbar’s death.
Yeah, that’s me! I don’t give bullshit about papers. Neend puri honi chahiye
bas.
Likewise,
the night-out –with-the-books day came. It is the same time when a large number
of houses can be seen with the lights on for most or all part of the night. Also,
numerous empty cups which had tea/coffee once. It was the day before the commencement
of the paper.
9
chapters in one day or super-specifically, 9 chapters in 23 hours and 56mins. Science
bitch.
Now,
it was time for the PC to shut down and the mobile phone to be switched-off. Why
CBSE board, why you NO give chota sa syllabus to study?
Seriously,
when I started studying, the wall of my room and the rotating fan seemed to be a
hell lot enticing than the book. But, I was entitled like every other student
of the same age as mine to swot to the best possible level and to consequently
save our asses. Race thi. I just wanted to finish-up decent.
I
started mugging-up the large answers with more marks weightage and likewise, in
decreasing order. By evening, I somehow finished up 3 chapters. Now, 6 chapters
in 12 hours were the target.
For
a minute I thought about the students who cheat in the exams and
never get caught. How lucky they are and brave at the same time. Definitely,
they have balls, as well as the chits in their undies or in various other
places. On the contrary, I think twice before asking for an extra supplementary
sheet. Itni sharam aati.
Anyway,
the night finally came and my back ached like never before. But, majboori; padhna to he hi. Now, the count was 6 hours and 4 chapters. Laholbilakubat.
I
washed my face and started studying like, now-or-never. 6 hours straight and
guess what? 2 chapters were still left. Those 2 were the big ones and I had NO
clue what to do with them. As a result, I made a small plan of just going through
the examples of those 2 chapters during the journey to the exam center.
I
quickly finished up the daily routine tasks of brushing up and all that. I
skipped the breakfast, as wasn’t feeling well cause of the lack of sleep. Sleep
is important.
‘Beta,
taiyaari ho gyi poori? Kuch bhoole to nhi?’, mumma asked with a lot of hope in
her eyes.
‘Han
mumma, bas padhna bhool gya hun’, I sarcastically quoted in my mind.
‘Han,
ho hi gyi he’, I replied. What
else one can say?
‘Good,
acha karna’.
‘Inshallah’.
I love Urdu although am not Muslim nor I know anything above a few Urdu words which
I keep using frequently. Shabd Prem.
Anyway,
I took their (parents) blessings and left with my friend to the exam-center. He
was driving and I was busy executing the little plan which I made that morning.
What shit will the paper bring with it? How
will I perform? And many such infinite questions kept distracting me.
I
was really nervous and numb contemplating about the paper. What if my friends
perform better than me?, I thought and at once became gloomy. Really, peer
pressure kills you if the pressure from parents is not enough for the job.
We
reached to the center-of-havoc, totally clueless. Eventually, I was on my
war-zone; place of writing the paper. Uncountable ‘all the best’ began
transmitting. Finally, I started bribing the Almighty for passing me in this
exam with good marks and thought for the best to happen.
So,
how did the paper go? Was it good enough or vice-versa? Find out in the next
post.
NOTE: Kindly go through BEAT THE BOARDS and WHAT THE FUDGE? as well. These two are the prequels. Entertainment guaranteed :D
NOTE: Kindly go through BEAT THE BOARDS and WHAT THE FUDGE? as well. These two are the prequels. Entertainment guaranteed :D
Sunday, 23 June 2013
CHAPTER 2: WHAT THE FUDGE?!!!!!!!
The plan for ‘saving our asses
from the Board exams’, which we called as ‘Beat the Boards’, was in progress!
‘Hey let’s just cut this crap
for some time and have a walk till the washroom’, Prakhar beckoned!
It is always in a friend circle
that even if one has to go pissing, everyone else instantly generates an urge to piddle!
So, we headed to the toilet bantering
all the way through! Finally, we were there but the
place seemed quiet new to us, contradicting the fact that we have been pissing
there for the last 6 years!
Hey guys, when did the
management get so many cabins for us?, Palash asked surprisingly!
‘We have no idea about it man’,
Prakhar and I replied in unison, equally astounded to see the clean walls with
no remarks for the teachers on it!
Well, it is a disgrace to the
boys’ toilet if you don’t find hybrid abuses incorrectly written for several
teachers, love confessions and remarkable drawings of human body parts, some
unmentionable ones!
‘Oh wait! On which floor are
we?’,I asked worriedly!
‘I guess, it’s the 2nd
floor’, Prakhar replied!
After an awkward silence, I
shouted,’ WHAT THE FUDGE! WE ARE IN A GIRL’S TOILET!!!!! GET THE ASS OUT OF
HERE!!!’, and we ran towards the exit!
As soon as we came out of the
toilet, a maid rushed towards us with a ‘what-the-f@%k’ expression and asked
with suspicion, ‘What you guys were doing in there?!!!’
‘N… No.. Nothing at all. We
forgot’! I instantly replied back being a hell lot nervous thinking about the
consequences!
‘WHAT!!! You guys forgot your
gender!!!!!’, she fired right away!
‘Aunty, we are sorry for the
trouble but we just forgot that we were on the 2nd floor and went
inside the girls’ toilet’, Prakhar told her!
‘Plus, there was no girl inside
the toilet’, I added, thinking this might save us from the ruthless
consequences!
‘Let’s go to the principal’,
she said and asked us to form a line and start moving towards the
‘room-of-death’!
We started moving slower than a
snail or perhaps Internet Explorer! We were petrified, terrified and every –ied
that would describe fear!
There are times in life when
you really don’t understand what to do next! And, it was one such moment, even
worse but I gave a last try to save us from the upcoming problems.
‘Aunty, do you know who we are’,
I asked her!
‘No’, she replied!
As soon as she replied, I
murmured,‘Guys, run’, and we ran like Osain Bolt.
Trust me, have it been the
Olympics, surely we would have achieved a Bronze medal at the least!
All of this shit happened
because of the architect of the school. A boys’ toilet which was on the right on
the 1st floor was on the left on the 2nd floor and vice-versa for
the Girls’ toilet! And since we were so busy pulling each other’s leg that we
didn’t notice we were on the 2nd floor and got in the wrong toilet!
‘Gosh, Ain’t pissing anymore in
this school’, Prakhar said breathing heavily!
‘Same here’!
‘It was a lucky escape man,
plus, we were fortunate that there wasn’t any girl inside otherwise we would
have been dead by now’, I said thoughtfully!
‘Han yaar’!
‘But, what if she makes a
search in every class’, Palash asked anxiously!
‘Don’t worry about it dude!
It’s the last lecture going on, so even if they make a search then it is
practically impossible for them to seek in every class! Plus, we would be
staying in the canteen until the dispersal bell rings! Moreover, the upcoming 2
days are off for us so the possibilities for any unfortunate thing to happen
reduces to almost zero! And, most importantly, the issue isn’t that big. We
were undoubtedly very lucky that there wasn’t any girl inside plus the maid
doesn’t know our names! And possibly, she might also forget our faces in the
days to come-by, so relax!’, I said with confidence and felt like Sherlock
Holmes for a few secs! Really!
‘You are one goddamn genius
dude’, Prakhar said and patted on my back!
After that we all laughed at
the entire happening over and over again discussing every possibility and passing
silly jokes in between until the break-bell rang!
Sitting in the bus we just
prayed for the things to turn right at the time to come as we, or I should say,
I can’t hold the waste-water for so long! :P
Thursday, 9 May 2013
CHAPTER 1: BEAT THE BOARDS
There are always certain things
which are common between you and your friends and my case is not an exception to it
of course :P
Palash, Prakhar and me (Paresh)
were friends since we found out the common factor of ‘procrastination’ in us. Moreover,
we screwed up results together, bunked classes together and the most usual,
always went united to washroom :D (NOTE: We weren’t gay of course).
It was the maths lecture going on
and we 3 were yawing in the best way possible! :P
Sometimes I really wondered why
did we choose maths, especially me; when I really know nothing about it. Well, it is a part and parcel of life to make mistakes. (Yes! Taking Maths is a
mistake if you don’t feel like solving it :P )
Anyway, the Board exams were
coming in and the tension was building up! So, we made a plan to pass the
boards :P (With 1 month in hand, a below average student can’t aim above just passing!
Accept it! Reality me jeena seekho :D )
‘We are going to screw it man’,
Palash said in a cheeky way!
‘Of course dude, we will screw it
big time’, I replied! :D
Mission ‘Beat the Boards’ was
initialized and we three were on it!
(Will the mission be accomplished?
:P Find out in the upcoming posts )
