Saturday, 13 December 2014
The story of my placement
I’m
not a big fan of boasting about my campus placement. But then, I’m not a saint
either, right? So, putting it in simple words that this blog’s owner has
finally bagged a company (2nd company by statistics) called XL
Dyanimics Inc.
For
wishes, praises and details, kindly leave a message in the comment box. I will
answer each one of them. Kasam se! :D
For
lazy people, option of putting a comment on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter is
also available.
Time
is running out. Hurry! :D
 |
| Sounds about right! |
I’m
putting this thanksgiving at the end, but trust me, the importance of all these
people can’t be judged through it.
Starting
with my parents whose indispensable support throughout my life can’t be
expressed through words. But then it is always good to give a tribute, even though
a small one.
Secondly,
I’m thankful to all the teachers who have taught me till date, be it in school,
college etc. After all, it is not an easy task to control a kid like me.
Third
to this list are my friends (a dozen or more) who have inspired me to get my
lazy ass working through their constant nagging, motivation and tips, all
during the chai biscuit hangout. *Smoking is injurious to health; remember*
Last
on the thanksgiving, but had these people not been there the night before the interview
for this company, then probably, I wouldn’t have been posting this thing.
Thank
you Akrit sir, Paresh sir, Roopal ma’am and even a sir whose name is Varun too J
I
remember that motivational speech at 12.30am in the night from you Roopal ma’am.
And, trust me; it was as good as that dialogue from the movie Chak De India. ;)
Thank
you sir ji (Paresh) for helping me get through that phase and finally plan a
trip to the interview the next day. J *Chote placed
ho gya*
Akrit
sir, thank you for providing a lucid explanation regarding the job and for
Varun sir’s number as well!
Huff!
By now, you would either be swearing at me, smiling or yawning profusely. So,
taking all those possibilities in mind, I end this post right here.
Thank
you for visiting!
Kabhi
baaki ke post bhi padh liya karo bhai :D
Monday, 1 December 2014
How NOT to start conversations with girls?
Welcome!
So, as you are here, I can assume that you want to mingle with a girl and you
are single by choice. Her choice! (Ouch!)
 |
| Happens! |
Anyways,
today you will find some of the BEST ways NOT to start a conversation with any
girl whatsoever. And, I’m very sure you don’t like to engage in a conversation
with every girl (because of various reasons that are personal to you and are
unknown to me!), but that one “special angel”, who sadly, is either out of
scope (according to you) or already taken. But, fear not my friend; I’m here to rescue
you from this depressing situation.
I
certainly have no degree for match-making nor have any bad experiences on this
line. Reason being, I didn’t go that silly or lame in my approach, till date.
However, this must be kept in mind; the result has ALWAYS been the same, i.e.
REJECTED. (That feels!) BUT, BUT, BUT, I will help you, though for free!
So,
without testing your patience, here are some of the ways in which you should
NEVER start a conversation with a girl as that would lead you back to this post
(you got the answer, I suppose):
1. NEVER
ask her ASL:
Alright! You have been in solitude till date, I
get that. Also, all your past experiences of those nerve-racking nights on
Omegle of wanting to talk to someone, craves to come out and hug you tight,
BUT, trust me, asking her ASL (AGE, SEX, LOCATION) would never work.
 |
| This! |
Com’on, who questions a girl of her age, nearly NO
one, right? Then, how prudent does it seem to throw this as your 1st
question to her? This will strike back so tight that either she might not understand the short form (hardly happens), or she might instantly be disinterested
in you. I hope you get that?! Good. Take notes then.
2. NEVER
say this:
 |
| This is too lame! |
Woho! Ok, big brother. Your very line showed your
desperation reaching Pluto. Calm down. Take it easy. Don’t let that desperation
of wanting to be friends with a girl (the ONLY girl) come out and present
itself like chocolate pie. She wouldn’t like it because it isn’t chocolate pie,
as it seems to you.
You need to understand that in life you have to
earn girl friends (that space is the friend zone) which DON’T come at all if
you chant this mantra “I want to fraaanship with you”, as your introductory
phrase! This doesn’t work on guys either; so I hope you get my point. Change the
first line. May be, a mere ‘Hi’ would work well.
3. NEVER
compliment her:
 |
| Do not compliment like this! |
Now, the sub-title might sound absurd but that’s
right, absolutely right if you are talking to a girl for the very first time. Never
compliment her straight way (this way in particular). You are not Brad Pitt as
she would get impressed. If you were, you wouldn’t have needed that line. I hope
you get the drift. So, take notes and never pass on such kind of compliments
all the way through. Good luck.
4. NEVER
discuss such things too:
Now, you might have an Uday Chopra of Dhoom series
inside, but that’s got to stay inside. Just like Intel (bad joke).
 |
| This is creepy! |
What is happening here is that you got a crush on
that girl (LIKE ALWAYS, MAYBE) and your speed of pondering on stuffs like this
is faster than the speed of light. Because of which, by the time you blink your
eyes, you are already a father of her children (officially). So, out of bliss
you ask questions related to caste, boyfriend (if any) and more such obnoxious
questions, all at the very first conversation. Hold on to that (Thehro!)
Go slowly man. Take time to understand her, which by
itself is a VERY complex process (you will understand this later). Then, if
things work out and you have nothing better to ask; you have my permission to
put forth this query of yours! Till then, wait!
 |
| Casual flirting is fine, but not at the start! |
In the end, I hope you must have taken proper notes
and would totally comply by it. I believe things will roll nicely. Happy
talking!
Monday, 24 November 2014
A strange encounter inside a bank
In
an era of internet banking, one still has to visit a bank for various things,
like, depositing the money, because that’s not gonna fly-by from your home and
get inside the internet, all by itself. Another one is, updating your passbook.
And, many might question its significance, to which I would say that if you
stay at home, you got to do what is being asked. ‘No questions, just pure work’,
this is the rule and kids are entitled to follow.
I
have to follow every single rule, else no Wi-Fi, and no food for a specific
time. Food I can work out, but Wi-Fi, absolutely not. In fact, Wi-Fi is in
parity with water. So, how can I relinquish such a “precious” thing?! No chance
of it.
 |
| Trust this fact! |
Anyways,
one day I had to visit a bank for some work. I have mostly visited a government
bank because my parents have their account in there. But, this 1 day brought
about a new experience for me. And, it was so weird and pathetic to be frank
that I had to lose huge amount of money on it. Mind it, huge sum. No kidding.
So,
I went inside the bank, filled the deposit slip like always. Meanwhile, 5-10
people already interrupted me and booked their ownership on the pen after I was
done, like always. And, to all those requests, I silently nodded, in spite of
having a different notion inside, LIKE ALWAYS. Life inside a bank never
changes, trust me!
Now,
you may call me selfish or egoist, but lose your pen in the same bank to
different people for consecutive weeks and I guarantee that you will understand
my “selfishness”.
Anyways,
even if you don’t help people with a pen, but you just can’t stop to notice
their confidence while they enter a bank and ask for the same. It seems like,
they pre-plan everything. And maybe, they have this dream of establishing a pen
shop somewhere down the line. I mean, look at that smiling innocent face that
hasn’t seen or used a pen since birth, but has heard that it is found with
anyone except them in a bank.
“Bhaiya, pen milega zara?” (kasam se wapas nhi
karunga)
“Han ji, ye lijiye” (meri to pen ki dukaan he
na…le jao!)
Huff..!
Anyway, so, one guy that looked like a student got hold of my pen after I was
done scribbling down the requisites. He gave a broad smile, nodded in appreciation
and went on to complete his task. And, in response, I gave a fake smile which
he didn’t care to notice because he got what he wanted!
Thereafter,
I stood in the line, a few steps away from him, waiting for my turn in the
counter. The time went on and he seemed to be writing a novel or something.
That thing agitated me a little and I could only roll my eyes hoping for a
miracle. Nothing happened though!
After
a few more mins, when the hope was almost on its way for cremation, he did
something that cost me a few bucks; 10 precisely. And that my friend is a huge
sum of money for a student. Seriously!
He
brought my pen close to his mouth and started chewing it. Who the hell chews a
borrowed pen? That guy was first of his kind. Seriously!
“What
did you do Mr. Sucker? That’s not a chewing gum and we aren’t couples either!
So, keep the pen with you and pay me for it with money, right now”, I wanted to
say, but guess what? Yeah, you are right, I couldn’t.
I
simply closed my eyes, bent my head down a little and scratched my forehead; just
like a person who is hopelessly annoyed does. And then I made up my mind to
gift that pen to him, just like that.
By
the way, I did feel bad for that guy too because I scratched my butt with that
pen the other day. Innocent fella didn’t know how nature was playing with him.
But, to my surprise, he seemed to be enjoying the taste of it. Strange world!
 |
| Destiny, you may call it! |
Meanwhile,
I reached to the 1st spot in the queue and it was my turn. The work
got done in a minute and I immediately left the bank with a heavy heart, abandoning
the guy in his misery who was still busy tasting we-know-what.
And,
by the way that accounted for my 10th pen that got either robbed or misused
because I chose to be a stationary shop guy inside a bank! Take lesson from
this incident and never chew a borrowed pen, ever again!
Thursday, 20 November 2014
A joke that went wrong!
I
was talking to one of my friends today and got complimented for being humorous.
Yeah, you guessed it right, the friend was a female. Reason being, boys do not
compliment their friends (male) at all, or do it behind their back, but never on
the face. The only thing that they do upfront is abuse and smirk after that! The
ugly truth!
Can I, please?
Anyway,
the compliment reminded me of an incident that was 3 years old. It is of the
time when I was new to college life. And that was a phase when I got a lot of lessons
on communication: When to start? With whom to start? And what to start with?
So,
it was a normal day which was about to take a U-turn. I logged into Facebook
that day, just like a routine, in the evening. I kept scrolling for about an
hour or so; judged people through their status updates and photos. And even posted
a few of my own and kept waiting for the likes, as always!
Out
of the blue, I recalled one of the important things from my daily life.
Normally, the notification of such “important” stuffs popped up while I used to
be in college. But, that day was something different and thus this strange
anomaly happened.
So,
to clear out that stuff, I checked on my chat list for any senior. Luckily, I
found one. So, without wasting time, I went ahead, bang bang bang and the
questions were sent. Now, only I had to wait for the answers! Simple job it
seemed to me!
He
started writing the answers and those kept getting delivered to me every time
he pressed ENTER. The conversation seemed absolutely fine. In fact, it was so
fine that my inner self got enormously excited (not in the wrong way) and then
I did something which I regret now.
The
messages that he typed were quite difficult to read, frankly. Reason being, he
was using the sms language which ain’t very fond of or even used to! So, my
inner Kapil Sharma got activated and I sneered at him for the same.
I
said, “It seems like by the end of this conversation, I will have a degree in
archeology.”
He
asked, “How?”
And
I jotted this line with a grin on my face, “because it is difficult to read
your hand writing which truly resembles those from the ancient times.”
And
tada, this is how I triggered the bomb; literally!
He
got enraged and replied me furiously which was clear through his words. How?
Those were in Hindi and contained something we call as “abusive” words
profusely!
I
was totally stunned because I never really expected such a reaction from
anybody. It has been my favorite job to pull people’s leg but the table never
got turned in this way at all!
I
immediately threw in the towel and surrendered. The guy was muscular and he
could have beaten the shit out of me. Adding to the fact, he was a senior too.
So, double death was waiting ahead had I reacted in any way except apologetically!
Truly, madly and deeply!
So,
I began with the universal line “I am sorry” and ended with “I won’t repeat it
again”.
Now,
guess what? He wasn’t convinced. Who would? The lines I used to apologize were
too lame, old and short. Apology has to be written in long sentences (if a paragraph,
then better) with sorry as an integral part which 1 must embed in as many
places as they can, as only then, the feelings are transferred; digitally
transferred (Bluetooth doesn’t work here)!
This
thing went on for 30mins straight and I almost wanted to pee 60 times in that
while! The moment we stopped the conversation with him forgiving me for the
last time and me taking notes from this massacre; I went on to block him and
made up my mind to skip the college for the next 3 days! Prevention is better
than cure, I recalled.
Hufff….
Once done with the blocking, I gave a sigh of relief and went to pee. After
coming back, I made it a point not to indulge into a super friendly
conversation that involves even a pinch of mockery with anyone, especially
strangers. Because, you never know, which statement the other person might find
offensive. And, if you are not muscular, or a person with contacts to such
people, then you just might end up in the nearest hospital or come across some “you-know-what”
words which you might not like to hear!
Sunday, 19 October 2014
An experiment with fate
It is my first experiment with posting on this blog through my cell phone. The reason behind it is just not confined within the experimental boundaries, but extend to reveal my ever green curiosity to express my thoughts (sometimes even weird).
Anyway, let me tell you the reason why I wrote this post?
It was almost midnight when I made up my mind to pen it down. By the way, I've my way of revealing things that mostly resembles to that of the news channels. Important part strikes later. But, with that being said, ain't giving you permission to skip to the last part of this post (in Bane's voice). So, stick around....please!
Anyway, that time I was listening to Ninidya Re (good song; recommended) and just gazing at the screen of my cellphone wondering about a lot of things, which I'm very sure a lot of people definitely do right before they go to sleep.
However, out of all those countless thoughts, 1 thing entitled me to write this post. And the thing was, I realized that the more you run behind what you want in life, faraway it goes.
I won't tell you how did I infer this conclusion, but 1 thing I would definitely want you to do. Firstly, find out a thing that you have been desperately trying to get since a long time but somehow it has remained aloof.
Now, once done with the first step, try to think as less about that thing. Just avoid thinking about it as much as possible.
With time, it might happen that you forget about that thing; Not kidding! And, suddenly 1 day, out of the blue, that wish might come true and you would be tongue-tight and elated, both at the same time.
However, in spite of everything being said and done, please do not apply this thing for educational goals. Reason being, for that 1 thing, there are no shortcuts. You will have to work hard to achieve goals associated with it.
But, for everything else, this thing might come as a surprise to you. Happy experimentation!
Tuesday, 7 October 2014
The Big Billion Day by Flipkart
I
couldn’t control the fervor to write on 'The Big Billion Day' conducted by Flipkart:
The Online MegaStore. Would I be paid for the promotion?
 |
| My say! |
Anyway,
the people were expressing their opinion with zest, so I thought to raise my
voice too; not in support and certainly not agin, but just to convey my
experience.
So,
starting from the point when I actually took notice of this bumper sale; the
time was 9.30 in the morning. I was flipping the new paper from page to page
skimming through the matter given under the broadest and boldest titles.
Finally,
after 5mins (yes, 5mins!), I reached till the end where the advertisement for
this sale was given. There was no chance that I would miss that out. Reason
being, it looked fancy and I personally am very fond of such things.
So,
I started to check out the deals and hallelujah, I saw Samsung Galaxy Tab for Rs
1300 something (if not mistaken). My eyes took a roll inside. I was bewildered.
Thus, just to be sure, I knocked my head and read it again. It was real. I wasn’t
dreaming.
Thereafter,
I read more and found that the deals were amazing. Literally! You just can’t
deny this thing, especially for the electronics segment. I don’t want to
comment on anything else. That would unnecessarily shift the topic.
Anyway,
I went through each and every deal, gave a prudent thought about it for a few
seconds and then went on to announce this thing to my mom. She, after I
finished, yawned and finally said that it is only a marketing gimmickry. I
shouldn’t pay attention to that, she added.
 |
| Some of the tweets during the Big Billion Day |
That
discouraged me a little, but then, since curiosity resides in me, so, I went to
switch on the computer to check out the sale. After those long 5minutes (old
pc), I was gazing at the home page of Flipkart.
Am
I in heaven? I said to myself. The deals made me speechless (I was already penniless
though). Somebody has hacked into Flipkart, I thought. But, whatever be the
reason, I called my mom to see it.
She,
like I expected, was tongue-tied. I sneered and said, wasn’t I telling the
truth to you. She didn’t say anything and that meant my victory.
However,
after that, I suggested her to buy a new cellphone (a smartphone) because that
is what the trend is. Her old Nokia phone has been serving since the time of
Akbar and still shows full battery even after 2 days of continuous usage;
terrific, right? But it should retire.
She
nodded. The signal was given and I went on to do the thing that is my forte; exploration.
I searched from tip to toe of the entire website. Sadly, the best deal of Nokia
525 for 910 (something) was already out of stock. So, I had to look for another
same kind of deal.
All
that in mind, added with, my mom had no prior experience of using a smartphone,
I came up with Nokia 520 for Rs 4999. She agreed, as expected, and thereafter
the marathon for buying that phone began.
I
quickly logged into my account and pressed the Buy Now tab. It worked, the
phone was on my cart and the excitement grew.
Then,
I went ahead and clicked to see my cart, which shockingly was empty. I didn’t
expect that; literally. It has never happened with me, ever, on any site
whatsoever. But, then, it wasn’t any other normal day too, I thought.
So,
I repeated the process, wishing to get lucky, keeping intact my sentiments. It
didn’t work for the 2nd time in the row. Wow, it sure was a surprise
day rather than anything else. But, then, patience was something worth keeping
that time.
I
kept trying for another 10mins, not giving up at all. I never was so enthusiastic
in my life before, except for playing sports. And, that made me go on and on.
Finally,
the moment arrived. Flopkart actually turned to be a Flipkart sale for me (for
mom actually). I bagged the phone. I won the fight. I felt like Hulk. May be,
Batman. Or, add any superhero of your choice. These are some among my favorites.
It
felt outstanding. The experience was ultimately good, because I bagged
something from the sale. Though, I wished to buy a 2 TB hard disk, a pen drive
for Rs 1 too, but all that went missing far before I got the smell of it.
Otherwise, you know the beast in me.
By
the way, my birthday is coming very soon; precisely, on 22nd
October. So, if you want to gift me something, then, I suppose, I have given a
very lucid idea above. I would be waiting.
*Yeah, I’m shameless. Thank you*
Saturday, 4 October 2014
Happy Birthday brother
Happy birthday Shourya :)
May GOD bless you with adventure, fun and more pizzas in life with diet coke for free. :D
Bdw, why am I wishing you here?
Simple because calling is too mainstream ;)
 |
| I know that is a bad picture :P
P.S: For the people who just knew his name, here is the Bruce Wayne!
|
Friday, 12 September 2014
6 Signs She Is Not Into You
Everybody
experiences a point in their life when they are smitten with somebody. In case
of boys, this happens more than often. Sometimes, almost every other day.
Anyway, keeping off tharkipana from this discussion, let us switch back to some
prudent stuff.
So,
you are looking forward to a girl since a very long time. And, just to make
your place in her heart because you have an infatuation or love (whatever) for
her, you call and message her umpteen times a day. You try every means that is
out there just to get a place in her heart. But, somehow, you are unsure of her
feelings for you, if any!
There
also comes a point when you lose all your sense and temper thinking that had
you put that many efforts to get an apartment in a metro city, it would have
yielded great results. Even you recall mantra from a baba who has tremendous
experience of love life and all that jazz: ‘Pyaar
ka chakkar he bada bhayankar, isiliye haath jodo aur bolo Jai Shiv Shankar, Jai
Shiv Shankar’
However,
in spite of all these sensible (or insensible) thoughts and gyaan, your heart
just doesn’t want to throw in the towel. So, what to do now? How to check
whether your dream girl is into you or not?
So,
for the same, here are certain points that will help you to cross check whether
you have successfully booked a flat in her heart or you need to move on looking
for another building (whatever):
1.
You are the one
who always calls/texts: Are you the
one who always calls her or texts her at the first place? Are you? And, even
after your constant calls or texts, she responds once in a blue moon? Does it
happen? If it happens, then my friend, she is not into you.
2.
She is not
ready for a relationship: Well, this is
the most common line that every girl uses when she is cornered by her one-sided
lover. But, there is a hidden meaning to it. Do you know what?
By this sentence, she means that she is not ready
for a relationship with you (forever). Seriously, people never reconsider their
statements while breaking somebody else’s heart, especially of a person with
whom they are not bonded. So, my Dhanush from Ranjhaana, stop chasing your Zoya
because waha kuch nhi hoya! Move on.
3.
She is busy: Remember, nobody is ever busy for a person they
like. This is a universal truth. Don’t believe me? Then recall all your
coaching bunks for that ‘someone special.’ Kuch yaad aaya?!
So, if she constantly gives you a ‘I was busy’
reason for not getting in touch or avoiding contact, whatever, then that is a
clear signal my friend; change the course and move in the other direction. The
girl is gone.
4.
She talks about
other guys with you: May be, you
are lucky and your dream girl actually talks to you more than often. But,
thehro (in Shaktimaan’s voice), did you notice what she talks about? Please pay
attention to that because if she brings other guys in the conversation with
you, then you are not going to make it to her heart. In other words, your girl
is booked my friend. Sorry.
5.
She doesn’t
laugh at your jokes: Laholbilakubat!
A guy here finally cracks a great joke but that didn’t ring a bell to her. Such
a bad situation. If this is something that you can relate to, then the time has
come to flush her memories my Kapil Sharma.
6.
She tries to
set you up with somebody else: Omg!
Here you are trying to book a seat and she is all into setting you up with
somebody else. Now, given that disastrous situation, you can only wish that the
other person she is fixing you with is not a boy. Otherwise, Dostana 2 will
soon hit the theatres with or without your consent. Bhaiya, time he, ijjat ki socho aur nikal lo.
At last, if she exhibits one of the above signs,
it doesn't bode well for your cause. If she exhibits two to three of these
signs, you can be pretty certain that she is not interested. If you are noticing
more than three of the above signs, listen carefully, because it is never going
to happen. Trust me, it is that clear.
So, if you are the unlucky one, then pack your bag
and complain about the sour grapes, as most of us always do, and leave. After
all, self-respect matters a lot and in India, it is more than just a word.
You may also like: 5 reasons why you are still single?
Saturday, 6 September 2014
90's life and my evergreen love…
I
still remember my 90s life. There were minimum resources available. No peer
pressure in comparison to what I feel today. Internet was a by-gone thing. And,
all day long I only craved for the clock to strike 5 in the evening. It was my
playtime which was so endearing to me that I could do anything for that. I
could even wake up at whatever time one would ask me to play a game of cricket
or soccer. I was that big a sports lover. However, there were limited games
that I was fond of and basketball wasn’t one of them. Unfortunately, its consequence
can be seen by the people who have seen me in real life.
I
remember that big playground which was common for every sport whatsoever. From
cricket, football to piddu and even an out of the blue cycle race were held on
the same ground. Sometimes, all at the same time. There was no scarcity of
players in those days. Call for one and get 3 more players for free. Even, everyone
was a Sachin, Messi and Osain Bolt in their own way. And, almost everyone had
their pet field name. Mine was Michael Clark.
I
still wonder why that guy named me Clark because I was an all-rounder who was
capable enough to perform in both batting and bowling. On the contrary, Michael
Clark is more of a batsman. I guess, that guy who named me wasn’t aware about
Cricket that much. Anyway, I was elated to get a name to the least because
there were ample of others who weren’t nick named yet. But, today I realize
that it is difficult to build a reputation of your own than to acquire somebody
else’s. I was naïve back then and such big things were far fletched for me to
contemplate about.
I
remember that football-cum-run-behind-a-ball-game that had no rules on the
field. The only time people used to stop when the ball had crossed the goal
post making a goal or no goal, whatsoever. I and my friends were crazy back
then. We watched cricket but loved playing football more. For us, Ronaldo was
the only player of football in the whole world. Everyone wanted to be ‘Ronaldo.’
However, majority ended up getting sardonic remarks, like, ‘Bada aaya Ronaldo
banne chala he’ and many more.
Now,
the time has changed drastically. Fields have turned into beautiful enclaves. We
have grown up both physically and intellectually too. Everyone is busy with
their life doing some or the other thing. Everyone is running to win a race,
but not in the field. But, in spite of all these things, one thing that still
persists is the sportsmanship. I can’t testify for others but even today if
someone would ask to get up in the morning to play any sports (except
basketball), I would be the first one to reach the field. And, I’m happy to
retain that love for sports till date in my life.
You may also like: Memories of childhood
